Day 4

It's been two, three, four days,
   almost a week
It's three fifteen a.m.
    & I need another drink
& a moment to think?
   no, numb my mind
I take a drink,
   trying to erase time

I can't say I feel guilty
  about what was
& I can't say you were thought of
   my Love

I only thought of me
   in our lust filled game
All the way up
   until she came
& then peacefully drifted
   to sleep
Leaving me up
   to drink
& wait for this moment
   When all is dark; calm
The moment when all is
   silent; shalom

Under the nights silent song
   I sneak back into bed
Sliding underneath the covers silently
   I lay down my head
I close my eyes
    move close
       & wrap my arms
    around a ghost
& I hold onto my love
  promising to never part
Head full of broken promises
   & violations against both hearts

I smell your hair
  waiting for the sun to rise
to bring with it unwanted clarity
   & opened eyes
      that looks nothing like yours
   they are not as brown
But what does that matter
   She's not sticking around
Bc no matter,
   what we do
She will never be
   you

Realizing this, I open my eyes
   face buried in your scarf
Heart pounding, tears falling
   I could never cheat on my heart
But if I did
   I know she wouldn't be the same
Sure, same hair, same smile
   same laugh, same frame

There is still
   always one truth
No matter how hard I pretend
   the scarf might never be you again...

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