Notes By: A Broken Heart...

I hope you feel sad when you look in your heart    & see that I'm gone I hope you feel real bad    when you realize your heart beat is off;     wrong   I hope your chest grows tight    when you realize     you can't get me back    I hope your chest grows so tight     that you can't breath;      Asthma Attack     I hope you feel dumb      when you see the Pokémon       I got you      I hope you feel real stupid       when you see        the ring around Pikachu I hope you feel all the things I felt in the last 4 years   in one day I hope you feel...   on second thought, I'd never    want my heart to feel that way...

I tried to call    to make amends I tried to enter this with a clear mind    so not to offend & so I broke down    & texted u today No, not in an ill     nor malicious way Breakup to makeup   Right? We'd talk all day   into the night But hours passed    into a new day I checked my phone     & you have nothing to say & that's when it stopped    I could no longer think of a song to guide us through our hurts   & wrongs I dnt know what to do    what we need My pen bleeds out   on white concrete Fueled by our love    my pen slowly dies But I keep scratching   trying to write You've moved on, it's over    & my pen drops It's time to move on    when the poetry stops

I watch helplessly,    as Jack fulfilled your needs I watched on helplessly    bc it was one I couldn't meet Thinking our love was enough    I asked you to leave I begged for you to just stay    stay with me & you do    for a while I must say That is,    until you see Jose He leaves you bitter    with hate filled eyes slicing me with your words    & making me cry I beg & please     for you to leave them be I beg you to Look! See! Love,     it's ME! Though I beg you     to let them go I am no match     for Ernest & Julio & when I see you with Jim     I know your going 1-100; full throttle Over the yelling you don't hear my cries, Please Baby, stop choose me, put down the bottle.

I went through the five stages    of grief today    & it only took about thirty minutes out of my day I was seduced by denial    because I knew this was the end    I was rapidly getting angry so I started bargaining ...I'll do better or try something different ...    ...if this isn't the end...    my silent unanswered cries brought way to my depression I knew I had to stop fighting my tears    it hurt less when you did    so I took a deep breath, let them fall & just accepted it I went through all five stages    of grief today    & it was the longest most painful thirty minutes of my day...

It's been two, three, four days,    almost a week It's three fifteen a.m.     & I need another drink & a moment to think?    no, numb my mind I take a drink,    trying to erase time I can't say I feel guilty   about what was & I can't say you were thought of    my Love I only thought of me    in our lust filled game All the way up    until she came & then peacefully drifted    to sleep Leaving me up    to drink & wait for this moment    When all is dark; calm The moment when all is    silent; shalom Under the nights silent song    I sneak back into bed Sliding underneath the covers silently    I lay down my head I close my eyes     move close        & wrap my arms     around a ghost & I hold onto my love   promising to never ...

I watched the Bad Girls Club Reunion   & it was nowhere near the same      I cried from beginning to the end   after accidentally calling your name Because the shit was sha-poppin    the shit was sha-bad        the shit left me crying,    lonely, sha-sad I watched the Bad Girls Club Reunion Part 1    & I'm not looking forward to next week       because I'm scared it'll just be Xero watching    Xero & sha-me 😢

Last night,    I sat staring at a bottle of pills Thinking of our misfortune,    & ill will I take out a pill as white smoke   drifts above my head I toss it back    & take a sip of Remy & Red. Feeling the burn I wonder,     Is it over? Are we really dead? The answer I was dying to drown     deep down in my head 4 blunts in, 7 pills down    Anymore drinks & ill be told to slow down Because in my eyes you see   the sorrow that I drown. Maybe I didn't love enough    Maybe I loved Love too much Maybe it wasn't love,     but four years of mistrust Whatever it was,     my heart had enough I have to erase you;    numb the feel So here's 8...9...    10...11 pills I need another blunt   to myself I think Tossing back more pills    I take another drink Cross faded    & sloppy drunk I...

You said, “ You said you were thinking about me    when his tongue touched your lips You said you almost screamed my name     as he thrusts himself deep into your hips You said while you were with them     all you wanted was me As I slept in a car cold and alone    dreaming of our warm bed in our future happy home You said it was me

Why Does She Stay? I don't talk when she comes home, I don't kiss her goodbye, I don't comfort her when she's alone, and I'm not moved when she cries.  Yet, she doesn't go away,     why does she stay? I don't say thank you for all she does, I don't tell her I care, I don't tell her what about her I love, I'm barely there.   Still she does not sway,     why does she stay? I don't smile when she's happy, I don't show her any affection, I don't give her what she gives me, I act like she's not my selection.   And she doesn't pack a case,     why does she stay? I don't help her relax, I don't help at all, I don't come when she asks, I'm not there to catch her when she falls.   She's still here 'til this day,     but why, why does she stay? She's so much better than me, I'm so unworthy of her, she's always there for me, no matter...

...this was a dark poem that was written in order to bring light to sexual abuse... Wishin' on a Star Star light, star bright, the first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight. "Don't let him touch me," he pleads. He doesn't know how to tell anyone of his stepfather's evil deeds. He stays silent and keeps his cool. He doesn't say anything he knows how to act at school. The teachers don't suspect a thing, he gets good grades, he's an honor student straight A's. He does extra activities and donates all his time. No one knows what runs through his mind.  He buries himself in his work and spends long nights at the library alone. No one knows that he's afraid to go home. The place that's supposed to bring warmth and comfort, he dreads. "You bet not tell no one but God. It'll kill yo' mother," he says. So he stays quiet and takes it. His mother is at work when his stepfa...

This was the first sonnet I ever wrote. It was an assignment for my creative writing class in high school. My Sonnet You sonnet, a diamond flashing around. Yet also a little annoying fly. Oh, sonnet, it is an annoying sound. The way you buzz, buzz, buzz around. Oh why? You are the hardest form of poetry. I strain my brain all day because of you. I use to think my writing came naturally. But I guess I found something I can't do. I will keep on 'cause quitting is not me. You I write because' Ms. Angelone. This sonnet is making me very angry. Writing you I have to do all alone. In Shakespeare a woman's heart you did light. A drop of blood with which a lover writes.

just writing... My Life As I sit at my desk  and think about my life I've been through trials  tribulations and strife. I'm only twenty-two  and I've already buried a parent she left this world  after she became coherent. My father's been locked up   for fifteen years  without him  my life has been full of fears. I've been through  the juvenile and adult justice system It's been hard without them  I truly miss them But my life  I brought upon myself I made my bed and slept in it  with no one else At times I wonder  what life has to offer me? Will there be any joy  in the future for me? Or will I always just be  content with life with my trials  tribulations and strife?

I wrote this in an attempt to tell a story through my poetry. I didn't know what to call this one. Untitled It was an accident, he was only trying to protect his family.  The man broke in with a gun wanting everything. He did what he had to and managed to kill him cold  and now he sits all alone in a cold cell on death row. A tear falls from his eyes,  as he stares up at the sky  and says,   "Where are you in my time of need?      I no longer feel you       walking with me." It was an accident, she was trying to please him.  Though it wasn't about sex to her, she'd submit so he feel like a man. So she did what she had to, to make him happy  and now she carries his seed   and his incurable disease.  Five minutes brought a world of pain  she cries as her health drains. "Am I really alone?   Are you really there?    Do you see me suffering?   ...

Looks Looks can be deceiving,  I know you see my smile but inside I'm grieving Looks, yes Looks can be deceiving  you think I'm happy just because my white teeth are gleaming? Love, what can I say about that?  I guess from my experience I can tell you that's not where it's at. I once was in love you know  I loved once and it nearly destroyed my soul In the beginning I was in heaven  but as time went on I was hurting 24/7 But you wouldn't be able to tell,  that my heaven has turned into hell I was stuck and hooked  and you would think in love because of the way I looked But Looks can be deceiving,  I know you see my smile but did you know I'm greiving? Looks, yes, Looks can be deceiving,  you think I'm happy just because you see my white teeth gleaming All the time I've been hurt and cried  love put me through so much that sometimes I wish I had died. I gave up my life  and my dreams of ha...

I wrote this because I had a lot of self-esteem issues growing up. It seemed that I was the only one because I was a guy. I'd only heard about girls have issues with how they looked so I never really said anything. I became a pretty boy and focused on my looks, everything was about how I looked. I started working out and I stopped eating and I was never really comfortable with me. Half the Price of Beauty I'm hungry, but I don't want to eat I'm okay, it's just my standards I have to meet these facial supplies make my face hurt but they are the only thing that works these close feel uncomfortable to me but beauty is not what can't but can see. I got these expensive shoes and I don't even like them they say only girls think about this stuff, but so do men Half the shoes I wear are not my size, they hurt my feet but that's okay, because it's my standards I have to meet My head is burning from all the chemicals I put in it in t...

In memory of a love and friend ship I thought would forever last. God in Me "It's more than being a woman you see? It's the God in me." I looked at my sister smiling as happy as can be,  wondering why she was so damn happy. Her baby's daddy stopped coming around,  everyday life beats her down. She has to wake up early,  get the kids ready,   starts the food,    gets them off to school      go to school and work       and then do hers and help them with their homework. She has to pay rent,  take them to all her doctor's appointments. But she seems to not care  that everywhere she looks, they're there. There is no rest, no breaks,  or nap to take. She cooks and cleans;  no food? What do you mean? Even when nothing's in the house  she makes sure they have food in their mouths. Even on weekends, she has an early start  and takes them to the park. Ful...

This was also an exercise that I was doing in creative writing. I was supposed to pick and picture and just put words. The picture was of my nephew in a car seat, he was sleep and smiling. A Picture of a Little Boy Gun firing Into blackness Shots firing to the left. Rocks and cigarette buds Litter the ground, As the sun peeks From the right. It is yellow, golden, white, Bright. But it is slowly fading Retreating To some safe place. This world is unsafe, Bad, Evil. So, why take the picture? ‘Cause of something that really didn’t fit Something pure, Set aside from the evil. Hope! Shinning, but shinier than shiny. Bright, but brighter than bright. It was a baby, Smiling oblivious to all around him.

This was done as a writing exercise when I was in high school. It was about my niece. A Little Girl The smile on my face is cute.             But misleading. I am not a cute little lady.             Although I like dressing up. I like getting dirty.             I know all I need to and am a goody, goody, Around people.             Inside I am curious. Rambunctious.             Mysterious.                         And mischievous. But in a good way,             it’s a good way because       ...

This was a poem I wrote when I broke up with my high school sweetheart. I didn't know that I was in love, I was too young minded and so I let her go. I let her go for so many deeper reasons that I wouldn't figure out until I was older and would live to regret it. This is... 2 Naomi When we were young,  I know I hurt you, I made mistakes. It was years ago,  and now your love has turned to hate. I'm sorry,  I know I did you wrong. What you must understand  is now we're grown. The games have to stop  either you'll be with me or you won't. I don't want to play game anymore,  either you love me or you don't. And when things go wrong  and you find yourself on the wrong side of luck who do you call  when tragedy's struck? Everytime you called, I was there,  four thousand three hundred and thirty-seven anytime minutes we talked But you needed me,  I bet you have no idea how much that cost. In the pas...

Me trying to be a revolutionary when I was seventeen. At War Little girls running the streets, little boys packin' heat a war is brewin' a war has started. We act like we don't see, are we that cold hearted? I saw a woman being beat the other day, no one interfered, just looked away I saw a cop sell a kid drugs and say nothing as an old lady was mugged today two little boys were killed in a driveby slain, and cities were destroyed by a hurricane but there is no order, no one cares that thousands of people died out there we spend billions of dollars on a war no one wants to fight while in our own back yard people lose their lives billions on a war in another country, why can't we fight the war at home and let them be it's becoming hard to make an honest living now, why can't we try and lower gas prices somehow? why can't we fix our own country first? All we're doing is making another one worse we say we're trying to liberate, ...