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I Hope

I hope you feel sad when you look in your heart    & see that I'm gone I hope you feel real bad    when you realize your heart beat is off;     wrong   I hope your chest grows tight    when you realize     you can't get me back    I hope your chest grows so tight     that you can't breath;      Asthma Attack     I hope you feel dumb      when you see the Pokémon       I got you      I hope you feel real stupid       when you see        the ring around Pikachu I hope you feel all the things I felt in the last 4 years   in one day I hope you feel...   on second thought, I'd never    want my heart to feel that way...
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Day 7 When the Poetry Stops

I tried to call    to make amends I tried to enter this with a clear mind    so not to offend & so I broke down    & texted u today No, not in an ill     nor malicious way Breakup to makeup   Right? We'd talk all day   into the night But hours passed    into a new day I checked my phone     & you have nothing to say & that's when it stopped    I could no longer think of a song to guide us through our hurts   & wrongs I dnt know what to do    what we need My pen bleeds out   on white concrete Fueled by our love    my pen slowly dies But I keep scratching   trying to write You've moved on, it's over    & my pen drops It's time to move on    when the poetry stops
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Day 6

I watch helplessly,    as Jack fulfilled your needs I watched on helplessly    bc it was one I couldn't meet Thinking our love was enough    I asked you to leave I begged for you to just stay    stay with me & you do    for a while I must say That is,    until you see Jose He leaves you bitter    with hate filled eyes slicing me with your words    & making me cry I beg & please     for you to leave them be I beg you to Look! See! Love,     it's ME! Though I beg you     to let them go I am no match     for Ernest & Julio & when I see you with Jim     I know your going 1-100; full throttle Over the yelling you don't hear my cries, Please Baby, stop choose me, put down the bottle.
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Day 5 Stages of Grief

I went through the five stages    of grief today    & it only took about thirty minutes out of my day I was seduced by denial    because I knew this was the end    I was rapidly getting angry so I started bargaining ...I'll do better or try something different ...    ...if this isn't the end...    my silent unanswered cries brought way to my depression I knew I had to stop fighting my tears    it hurt less when you did    so I took a deep breath, let them fall & just accepted it I went through all five stages    of grief today    & it was the longest most painful thirty minutes of my day...
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Day 4

It's been two, three, four days,    almost a week It's three fifteen a.m.     & I need another drink & a moment to think?    no, numb my mind I take a drink,    trying to erase time I can't say I feel guilty   about what was & I can't say you were thought of    my Love I only thought of me    in our lust filled game All the way up    until she came & then peacefully drifted    to sleep Leaving me up    to drink & wait for this moment    When all is dark; calm The moment when all is    silent; shalom Under the nights silent song    I sneak back into bed Sliding underneath the covers silently    I lay down my head I close my eyes     move close        & wrap my arms     around a ghost & I hold onto my love   promising to never part Head full of broken promises    & violations against both hearts I smell your hair   waiting for the sun to rise to bring with it unwanted clarity    & opened eyes     
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Day 3

I watched the Bad Girls Club Reunion   & it was nowhere near the same      I cried from beginning to the end   after accidentally calling your name Because the shit was sha-poppin    the shit was sha-bad        the shit left me crying,    lonely, sha-sad I watched the Bad Girls Club Reunion Part 1    & I'm not looking forward to next week       because I'm scared it'll just be Xero watching    Xero & sha-me 😢
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Day 2 w/o u

Last night,    I sat staring at a bottle of pills Thinking of our misfortune,    & ill will I take out a pill as white smoke   drifts above my head I toss it back    & take a sip of Remy & Red. Feeling the burn I wonder,     Is it over? Are we really dead? The answer I was dying to drown     deep down in my head 4 blunts in, 7 pills down    Anymore drinks & ill be told to slow down Because in my eyes you see   the sorrow that I drown. Maybe I didn't love enough    Maybe I loved Love too much Maybe it wasn't love,     but four years of mistrust Whatever it was,     my heart had enough I have to erase you;    numb the feel So here's 8...9...    10...11 pills I need another blunt   to myself I think Tossing back more pills    I take another drink Cross faded    & sloppy drunk I rise Walking to my car    I know I shouldn't drive I get behind the wheel    start the car, let the sunroof back Ready to go I look to my righ
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